Nostalgia

Nostalgia: 'A sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past'

I've recently come to realise I am an extremely nostalgic person which I guess has it's positives and negatives. 

I recently tweeted this:

Do you ever think back to a really happy memory and how amazing it was but then get really sad because you'll never experience those exact feelings you had in that exact moment. No matter what fun or exciting things happen which bring you the same level of happiness you'll never be able to feel exactly how you felt in that moment and that moment will never ever happen again' 

Without realising it I'd basically summed up what I think is nostalgia, or at least how I see it. I am really happy with life right now, it's not perfect but I love my job, I love rowing and training and I'm surrounded by amazing friends and family and really that's all I can ask for. Yet I keep finding myself looking back through my Facebook to see old photos or watch old videos which bring back such strong memories of my time at school. I really miss school, I miss my friends, the simplicity of life (even though I didn't realise it then) and the blissful ignorance I had to the world. I simply went to school, spent time with my friends, rowed and went home and I was okay with that.

Now I'm in a position of huge responsibility, I have a salary but I have to prioritise food, fuel and essentials over things I simply want, no matter how beautiful they may be. I have a job which puts me in a position of power and, again, responsibility over a large number of students. I have to sort appointments, book my car into the garage when something goes wrong, the list is endless and seems to grow with each week. And I am okay with that, I've always been quite a mature teenager and so I like independence and responsibility but it's also not easy. Constantly having to think about what to eat or when something must be done by is tiring (my nap frequency has increased dramatically, but that's another story). 

I love being able to remember these memories so vividly, it makes them feel really special but I think there is a negative aspect to it. I worry that because I think back to these memories, I'm perhaps not living in the moment, maybe I'm not enjoying everything around me in the current moment and maybe I won't remember it like I do with my past memories. I hope I am, and I think I am living in the moment but I think my nostalgia is holding me back from being completely grateful and happy about where I am now. 

So, while I love being nostalgic and I will continue to be I think it will be a less frequent occurrence so that in 2 or so years time I can look back on this time with nostalgia as strong as it is now! 

Thanks for reading

Charlotte

XO

19 Things I've Learnt in 19 Years

Just over a week ago I turned 19 and entered my final teen year. Even though I'm obviously not old I feel old, with a job, increasing responsibility and a childhood that now seems a disappointingly distant memory. As I was driving home (my general thinking time) I thought to everything I've learnt and come to realise in my 19 years on this planet. I don't remember my childhood at all until about 7 years old I think and since then it's definitely been an up and down journey to get to where I am now and so I think it's worth sharing everything I've learnt so far!

1. Look after your body- You only have one body and looking after it by eating healthily, exercising regularly and drinking lots of water you'll feel so much better (and look better). Your skin will clear up, hair and nails will become stronger and you should feel happier! 
2. Exercise is the best medicine- Whenever you feel down and craving chocolate go and exercise. Even if it's just a 15 minute walk the fresh air will do you good. You may not feel like exercising but the endorphins released will lift your mood! 
3. Live YOUR life in your time-  Everyone reaches milestones at different times whether that's biologically or socially (first boyfriend, first job etc). So don't judge your life based on other people's. I honestly believe everything happens for a reason (even though you may not realise it at the time) and so don't worry if it hasn't happened for you yet. It will, at the right time, with the right person, in the right place! 
4. Don't deny yourself simple pleasures- While I'm always trying to eat healthily, if i want cake or chocolate, I'm going to eat cake or chocolate! If I want to lay in bed all day, watch movies and eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's I probably will! The amount of pressure we are all under whether it is school or work, family and relationships, we all deserve a break or a treat! 
5. Spend time with your family- While you may fight and argue a hell of a lot, your family love you and they will always be there for you. No matter how old you get you can still call your parents and have a cry to them or simply just for a chat they'll never let you down! 
6. Don't live on your phone-  This is something I'm rubbish at and extremely guilty of but you don't need to constantly be updated on social media. Spend time living in this world, we live in a truly incredible and beautiful world yet we are all culprits of spending our heads down, focussed on our phones! Everyday try to make time for no phones/social media. Just read, meditate, do yoga, make food, eat food, listen to music or see friends WITHOUT YOUR PHONES!! 
7. Push your boundaries, you're stronger than you think- Honestly you are so so much stronger than you think. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to so push yourself to do things and you'll surprise yourself (and be even better for it!)
8. Failure isn't a bad thing- A lot of people see failure as the end of the road but I can promise you it isn't. Look at it as a bump in the road, a slight step back but success is never going to be a straight line. Failure will make you stronger, fall down 6 times, get up 7 and you'll realise you can be successful. 
9. Smile at something everyday- When you feel stressed or upset it is easy to find yourself in a constant down mood but it's so important that you know what or who can make you smile and maybe even laugh a little. Whether it is music, a TV show, a funny picture of you and your friends that brings back a good memory or simply a movie and a hug from your best friend. Smiles are contagious and instantly make a person look good! 
10. Music is your saviour- Music can be used as an escape, a motivator, a relaxation method, a mood uplifter or a party starter. Music is one of my most favourite things in the world and I honestly couldn't live without it. 
11. Your parents know you best, always listen to them!- They know you better than you think and have known you longer than anyone so when they say that they know best, it is quite likely that they do. Now I'm not saying they have to tell you what to do for the rest of your life but if they give you a little advice just listen to what they have to say and I think you'll be surprised by how right they often are! 
12. Not everyone will like you, it doesn't make you a bad person!- You will never please everyone and so not everyone will be your friend but it really doesn't mater. You're only human and so obviously you have flaws, some people will love you nonetheless but there will always be people who don't/won't like you and your uniqueness, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you!! 
13. Kindness is key- Kindness costs nothing and can often make someone's day. Don't waste your time being rude or grumpy, people are a lot less likely to be nice to you if you are! 
14. Your sibling (s) is/are your best friend(s)- Yes you may argue for the first 16 years of your life but as you both grow up you'll become closer than you ever thought you would, tell each other secrets you don't tell anyone else and just get each other because you've spent almost everyday of your life with them so they know you inside out! They have no reason to judge you, having seen you at your complete worst so they really are one of your best friends! 
15. Cooking can be enjoyable- Cooking healthy, hearty and of course tasty food doesn't have to be a slog and you can use it as a time to relax, put your phone away and dance around your kitchen (I do this and it is rather enjoyable and highly recommended). The feeling of success when you sit down and take the first bite of your creation and it tastes a little like heaven is a wonderful feeling. 
16. Mental illness isn't weakness- Mental illness does not mean you are weak and it does not make you a bad person or that you should feel ashamed of it. It's not your fault and it doesn't make you any less worthy. Be strong and don't be afraid. 
17. Push yourself out of your comfort zone-  This is something I used to really struggle with but the more I've done it, the more I am so much more comfortable outside my comfort zone! As cheesy as the quote is, 'life begins at the end of your comfort zone'. 
18. Grades aren't the be all and end all- Obviously you should work hard at school and try your hardest but not everyone is academically talented and excel at school and that's fine. There is waaayyy too much pressure on school kids now to get 10000 A*s but that's not achievable for many so don't fret about your grades. You'll find your niche eventually and it doesn't have to be uni. There are so many options out there for you, apprenticeships, internships, jobs, the army, the list is endless.  
19. Just be happy- At the end of the day happiness is the most important thing in life. Happiness with yourself, your job, school, relationships, friendships and all other aspects of life I may have missed out. If all else fails do what you love and don't sress about the rest!! 

I hope these life lessons have been helpful for you! My first 19 years alive have been quite amazing, especially the past 3 or so years. To think that in 19 more years I'll be 38 is rather daunting but just as exciting (yet also slightly scary because I don't want to get old!!). 

Thanks for Reading!
Charlotte

XO 

Little Reminders

Winter is never a rower's favourite time. Endless ergs, unrowable rivers and dark evenings all take its toll on an athlete. You sometimes end up wondering why you even do it, why put yourself through the pain, bitter cold and tiredness?? But then something will happen and you fall back in love with it instantly. 

I've been struggling with my erg scores for around 2 weeks, my legs have felt heavy yet empty and powerless and I will admit I was struggling and in need of a real pick me up. Thankfully having two really positive outings was the remedy I was so desperately in need of. For once the rain had ceased, the sky was blue and the water was flat- perfect rowing conditions. 

First outing was long with 3' rate changes and while it took me about 2k to get back into the rhythm I'd found before Christmas, soon the 8+ was picking up and it felt good. The second session, also in the 8, was the true reminder of why I love this sport and why I allow myself to occasionally be tormented by it and why I put myself through such physical (and mental) pain. All we did was low rate, steady paddling for 6k but it felt amazing. The boat just seemed to gel and yes, we did have a few wobbles occasionally but the strokes where we got it right and worked in unison to move the boat felt so good. It was, of course, by no means perfect, it was a scratch crew with all 8 of us having individual aspects to work on but it was such an uplifting session. We have 2 months until Women's Head of the River on the Tideway and a lot of work to put in if we want to perform well then so having sessions that make you feel this good are exactly what you need to bring back the drive and motivation you may have temporarily lost. If these crew can feel this good in one outing, imagine how it will feel in 2 months time! 

Another time, just before Christmas, that gave me a little reminder of why I do this sport and commit to the training was rowing in the dark one evening. I'd done it before at school a few times but for some reason this felt different. At first I felt (and probably looked) completely useless and like I'd never sat in a boat before but I eventually found my rhythm and I started to feel a slight sense of euphoria.  The darkness (obviously) resulted in limited vision so I couldn't see the person I was following which made me more reliant on my other senses. The biggest part was feeling the boat and the movement around me, it was a lot like rowing with your eyes closed which is an exercise I love anyway, but also hearing the movement is important too. The sound of all 8 blades entering the water at the same time. All 8 sets of legs driving at the same time and all 8 people finishing the stroke together, as a crew. 

I'm not over-exaggerating when I say it almost felt magical. Aside from the sound of the coaches launch and the occasional words from the cox, there was no sound other than the boat, and that is a sound I absolutely LOVE. It's so difficult for me to put into words but I loved it so much and I rowed most of the way back with a smile on my face (despite tired legs).

What I'm trying to say (in a not at all concise or brief way) is that we occasionally lose sight or forget what we love, or why we love it. These little reminders are so important to put us back on track or give us that boost of energy to keep striving for our goals or working towards our dreams. 

So next time you feel a little lacklustre or a bit down, remind yourself of what you love and go out and do it. I promise you'll feel 100000% better for it! 

Thanks for Reading

Charlotte

XO