Growing up

I've finished school.

Saying that is so scary and surreal. I can't believe that I am old enough to be leaving school and having a gap year. It honestly feels like a week ago that I was choosing my GCSEs, now I've left school. 

The prospect of living away from home is quite daunting. I'm not bothered about cooking for myself, that actually really excites me. I can do my washing, drying, ironing and cleaning all fine. But the thought of having to pay tax and bills and manage my own money is scary. I've never been much of a saver, if I have money it is likely I'll spend it. Not because I can't control myself and just buy upon impulse but simply because I constantly need new things (I realise how stupidly materialistic that sounds and I hate myself for it). 

The thought of having to think about taxes is rather scary seeing as I barely understand taxes at all. Some of you may wonder how I cannot understand taxes but it's not something I've been taught or ever learnt about. Obviously I understand the general concept of it but the whole thing seems so complex I feel like I need to read 'Taxes for dummies'. When I eventually live in my own place I'm going to have to deal with water and electricity bills, a TV license, car insurance or a mortgage. But I don't know what the best deals are and I can easily see myself being ripped off and ending up spending so much more money than I should be simply because I don't understand these things. 

I really believe schools should teach us what taxes are, how a mortgage works, how to get a good deal on bills etc. instead of teaching us about trigonometry or algebra. Yes if you want to do maths those things may be important for you to learn but for me wanting to do Psychology and sport related things the likelihood of me ever needing to use Pythagoras' Theorem is very slim. 

I realise I have digressed from the scariness of growing up. If I think where I was five years ago I was a shy, timid, not at all sporty, introverted 13 year old with a greasy bob, a full fringe, awful glasses and braces. I'd be about to enter year 9 and start rowing which turned out to be the best decision of my life hands down. But when I think about where I'll be in 5 years time it's scary. I'll have just finished my first degree, I may be planning on studying for a masters or I may have a job, who knows? I've no idea where I'll live, if I'll be in a relationship, where I will be rowing, who my friends will be, who I'll live with, if I have any pets... the list of questions is endless. 

I know I shouldn't be thinking about all these things because they are five years away but five years goes very quickly (and anyway, we all know by now that I'm a worrier!). In 5 years I visited Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Spain, Portugal, France and had the experience of a lifetime in South Africa. I've rowed for Wales, won medals at top events, had my own horse, made so many new friends (and lost a few on the way), met some of the most inspirational people as well as the kindest people who I hope will never leave my life and will one day be at my wedding. I've had ups and downs and been on a tiring emotional roller coaster but I've come out pretty okay at the end!    

I don't want to worry about the future, instead I want to live for now. Enjoy my gap year, make new friends and spend time with my old friends too. I also need to stop worrying about the smaller things that I'll have forgotten about in 5 years because I know they're not that important. 

Whatever happens I'm going to try to enjoy life and be happy!

Thanks for reading

Charlotte

XO