Dealing with Defeat

Dealing with defeat is never easy and there's no one way that works for all. 

Personally I'm a crier. I let out my emotions in tears and then eventually stop crying and spend the next few days/hours thinking and contemplating. A few months ago was no different. I was racing in a junior coxed four at Women's Henley, the biggest all women's regatta in the world in one of the most beautiful settings and one of my favourite places. 

We had a time trial on Saturday morning to qualify us for the heats which we managed to do. We then proceeded to win our heat with a verdict of 'easily' and were into the quarter finals on Sunday. 

Spirits were high because we'd never got into Sunday racing before and we'd had a fairly solid row but we knew Sunday would be much tougher. We were drawn against an American crew who were quick up of the blocks so we knew our start had to be quick and snappy. On the way to race the next morning, we practiced two starts and they went well, my nerves were calmed a little. But as we lined up on the stake boats the nerves in my tummy almost made me throw up. 

All of a sudden the umpire stood up and it was 'ATTENTION......GO' and we were off. The start wasn't perfectly clean but it was quick and we were ahead which felt good. By the end of Temple Island we were ahead and that had been our main goal. We had distance from them but it wasn't enough. We needed more but we didn't have a working cox box so the calls fell to us, the rowers. 

We needed to push off them but we weren't going together which meant nothing was happening and soon the Americans had caught us, then we were level and then they pushed ahead as we got to the finish. It was the most disappointing feeling in the world. 

We got off the water so disheartened and disappointed that we hadn't won and that the race had been messy. We had a debrief with the coaches who told us exactly what I already knew and then we de-rigged the boat, packed up the trailer and went home. 

Up until then I hadn't cried, I was gutted, absolutely distraught but the tears hadn't come yet. But as soon as I plugged my headphones in I sobbed. I was so upset that that was my last ever race for my school and it hadn't gone to plan. We could've beaten them. We should've beaten them. 

I cried on the bus. I cried driving home (not recommended) and I cried in bed when I got home. But eventually the tears ceased and all I was left with were thoughts. Now in the wrong hands (or mind) thoughts can be dangerous but I try to think of the positives. In every race I do I learn  something new. Something about how to race well. Something about myself. 

I still haven't quite distinguished what I learnt from this race. I think I need to push myself even more than I have ever before, obviously I pushed hard because I have such a strong desire to win but clearly it wasn't good enough. I do know I need to be physically stronger. But I've gained valuable racing experience from it and with any luck the next race I race will be different and we'll get ahead and push off and off until that crew are rowing in our dirty water. 

There is probably more I've learnt but I'm yet to discover it yet. What I do know is that crying is okay, feeling sad is okay but what is most important is that you get back up, dust yourself off and try your hardest to not let it happen again. 

Thanks for reading!

Charlotte

XO