Keeping it Brief / 2

• Making: tea because it tastes good and is so calming
• Cooking: pasta (well what else do rowers eat?!)
• Drinking: tea and water 
• Reading: Gone Girl (OMG I LOVE IT)
• Wanting: money (still) and an autumn skirt 
• Looking: for a job (again STILL) and cuddles please
• Playing: Steal My Girl- One Direction 
• Deciding: Uni (STILL) 
• Wishing: I didn't have to make such big decisions
• Enjoying: rowing, rowing and sleeping
• Waiting: For an epiphany to give me an idea of what to do 
• Liking: having time to read
• Wondering: When I will be more confident
• Loving: Harry Styles (come on, that hair and that face!) 
• Pondering: why people fight so much
• Considering: doing a coaching qualification 
• Watching: Steal My Girl (Because it's so freaking good)
• Hoping: to get my life sorted asap
• Marvelling: over how you can get attached to someone you barely know
• Needing: more clothes and make up (yep this is still the case!)
• Smelling: Daisy by Marc Jacobs
• Wearing: kit and pyjamas 
• Following: no one because I'm not a sheep 
• Noticing: I'm actually quite lonely 
• Knowing: what I need but worried I won't get it
• Thinking: about too much 
• Feeling: Not a lot, no love but no hate
• Admiring: how people can be so confident and do so many things
• Sorting: my wardrobe
• Buying: food 
• Getting: bored and restless
• Bookmarking: Christmas presents 
• Disliking: my lack of self-confidence
• Opening:  more and more emails
• Giggling: over Russell Howard's Good News
• Feeling:  nervous and a little anxious

Well aren't you all lucky! Two blog posts in one day! This one isn't very cheery but I find these little posts quite fun and they're so quick and easy! 

The Future

The Future. It's unknown. It's scary. It's what you make it. It's a word I've heard a lot of recently. Perhaps too much. I'm at that stage of my education where UCAS applications and university choices fill your head and too much information is pumped into you by school. Already people I know have received one, if not more, offers from universities while I have't even decided my choices yet! I honestly struggle to decide to what to do day-to-day, how on earth can I make a decision on where I want to study, live and row for at least three years, that will then set me up for my future career. 

Yet while all this is going on I also have three A-levels and an AS to study for, plus rowing and trying to get in some sleep (if possible). Society always tells us to 'live in the moment' and not to wish away your life but I swear we're forever planning what to do in the future? The thing is, only a minority of people my age know exactly what they want to do! Yes, I know I want to help people. I want to live in London. I want to enjoy life. And overall I want to be happy. But I'm still unsure as to what it is I can do and what I will end up doing. No-one can predict the future but it would definitely be useful if they could. But then would that spoil the surprise and mystery of life? What if you didn't like how life turned out for you? 

I recently spent three days coaching at a J14 rowing training camp and I don't think I've ever enjoyed something so much. I had responsibility and became really good friends with all the girls. I even learnt things about myself and I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I also saw a different side to my coaches which was really nice and they treated me just as another coach and not just 'one of the rowers'. I could definitely see myself doing something like this in the future but then I don't believe that I have the right to coach people. Perhaps if (and I this is a major IF) I am to ever reach GB level and gain a GB vest then I might reconsider that statement. But at the moment I feel like I have so much to work on myself with my own rowing that I perhaps don't have the authority to tell others what to do. I also worry that I'm too bossy! 

Then the other side of me thinks back to my undying love for psychology and my interest in the brain, mental illness and how we behave as humans. But then I feel so uneducated on the subject I don't feel I can say yet what it is I want to do with psychology and where it will take me? 

I often think about how I could combine rowing and psychology... a sports psychologist perhaps? But then I think of my mentality when it comes to rowing and often I lack the self-belief that is essential at high-level competition. I always need people (specifically my coaches) to tell me I can do it and that I am good enough. The lack of self-belief then makes me wonder why I am Captain if I have such negative thoughts about myself and rowing? I should be setting an example and spreading positivity. Thinking about it I often give people advice that I really should take myself but somehow I never do. 

But my lack of self-belief and confidence is present in my non-rowing life too. I need constant reassurance that an outfit looks okay, or that my hair or makeup isn't a mess. I frequently avoid social situations for the fear of embarrassing myself  and when people first meet me I clam up and struggle to formulate words purely because I despise my voice.

Things like this shouldn't matter and I hate that I let them affect my life sometimes. 

I realise I have written a lot of questions that I don't think anyone really has an answer to, or at least the answers I want. I also realise that I have completely veered off the subject of 'the future' (sorry!) I guess this post was more of a ramble of what is currently festering in my brain. There is a lot more I have to say but I can't and won't due to the fact that some are secrets I will (probably) never tell and some that I won't simply because it's boring and won't interest anyone! 

I really do hope to blog more, I just need to better manage my time. Do you have any idea where life is taking you? Or are you just as lost as I am? Or more? 

Much Love

Charlotte

XO

Happiness is Rowing

I can't quite believe we are already in October! I've been at school now for over a month and despite not knowing what it feels like to not be tired I'm really enjoying it. I feel like I'm progressing in my subjects and I'm working so hard (that's why I haven't posted a lot recently, sorry!). Rowing is going so well too, training is tiring and difficult and I'm working harder than ever before and already I feel I'm seeing results which makes me so happy. I've also been helping to coach our new 'Freshers' which I'm enjoying so much, I may have found my possible career path!? I've been going out in the launch boat with one of my coaches and he's been giving me control of the megaphone and giving me little tips on what to tell the rowers which has been so helpful. Every time I leave the boathouse I have the biggest smile on my face and I drive home with the music blaring. It is 100% my favourite place on Earth. Being in the launch gives me a different perspective and watching people rowing, even amateurs, shows how beautiful this sport is. 

We had our first race this year, Monmouth Autumn Head and we were in all three divisions. The course was 2.3km on our home water and I was in a pair with my best friend, Emma, then a single before a mixed four. I was so excited for our pair race because we'd had two really good outings after not being in a pair since April! we had a strong, consistent race and I really felt the pushes and I heard the trickle along the boat, showing we had a good distance per stroke.

 Then, after a very short break it was time for my single which I was slightly more nervous about. I still didn't know the results of out pair race and I hadn't had the best outing the day before. However, my paddle to the start was very calm and I felt technically pretty good. Again, I had a solid race and I felt I raced harder than I had ever done before. I even heard the commentator say I was 'Sculling very nicely' as I crossed the finish line, despite not really being able to breathe! 

I love this because I can finally see muscle definition! 

Finally, came the four and I feel the less said about this race the better. We were a completely scratch mixed crew with some J16s who haven't had as much experience as the seniors. At stroke I was rushed up the slide and our balance wasn't the best. It kind of put a dampner on my day after having two amazing races and then finishing on a bad one. 

However, we went to check the results board to find out Emma and I had won the pair and I'd won my single! It was the first singles race I've ever won and I was so happy, I couldn't actually believe it at first. I had to get three people to check that I wasn't seeing things. As expected our four came last!

Unfortunately I'm on a fieldtrip when the rest of the club is attending Reading Small Boats Head and I'm so sad because I'm missing so much training in addition to missing such a lovely event and not being able to support the team! One of my coaches already said that they're sad I'm not going to be there and that made me feel even worse! :( 

I'm slightly concerned I'll lose some of my fitness or power but I'm going to go on daily runs, keep doing my core and maybe even throw in some squats, lunges etc. 


The rest of the year looks very promising, on the water, at the boathouse and in the classroom so I'm very excited. I just hope the next few months go as well as September has!

I hope your September has gone well! What are your hopes for the remainder of this year? 

Much Love

Charlotte

XO