Growing up

I've finished school.

Saying that is so scary and surreal. I can't believe that I am old enough to be leaving school and having a gap year. It honestly feels like a week ago that I was choosing my GCSEs, now I've left school. 

The prospect of living away from home is quite daunting. I'm not bothered about cooking for myself, that actually really excites me. I can do my washing, drying, ironing and cleaning all fine. But the thought of having to pay tax and bills and manage my own money is scary. I've never been much of a saver, if I have money it is likely I'll spend it. Not because I can't control myself and just buy upon impulse but simply because I constantly need new things (I realise how stupidly materialistic that sounds and I hate myself for it). 

The thought of having to think about taxes is rather scary seeing as I barely understand taxes at all. Some of you may wonder how I cannot understand taxes but it's not something I've been taught or ever learnt about. Obviously I understand the general concept of it but the whole thing seems so complex I feel like I need to read 'Taxes for dummies'. When I eventually live in my own place I'm going to have to deal with water and electricity bills, a TV license, car insurance or a mortgage. But I don't know what the best deals are and I can easily see myself being ripped off and ending up spending so much more money than I should be simply because I don't understand these things. 

I really believe schools should teach us what taxes are, how a mortgage works, how to get a good deal on bills etc. instead of teaching us about trigonometry or algebra. Yes if you want to do maths those things may be important for you to learn but for me wanting to do Psychology and sport related things the likelihood of me ever needing to use Pythagoras' Theorem is very slim. 

I realise I have digressed from the scariness of growing up. If I think where I was five years ago I was a shy, timid, not at all sporty, introverted 13 year old with a greasy bob, a full fringe, awful glasses and braces. I'd be about to enter year 9 and start rowing which turned out to be the best decision of my life hands down. But when I think about where I'll be in 5 years time it's scary. I'll have just finished my first degree, I may be planning on studying for a masters or I may have a job, who knows? I've no idea where I'll live, if I'll be in a relationship, where I will be rowing, who my friends will be, who I'll live with, if I have any pets... the list of questions is endless. 

I know I shouldn't be thinking about all these things because they are five years away but five years goes very quickly (and anyway, we all know by now that I'm a worrier!). In 5 years I visited Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Spain, Portugal, France and had the experience of a lifetime in South Africa. I've rowed for Wales, won medals at top events, had my own horse, made so many new friends (and lost a few on the way), met some of the most inspirational people as well as the kindest people who I hope will never leave my life and will one day be at my wedding. I've had ups and downs and been on a tiring emotional roller coaster but I've come out pretty okay at the end!    

I don't want to worry about the future, instead I want to live for now. Enjoy my gap year, make new friends and spend time with my old friends too. I also need to stop worrying about the smaller things that I'll have forgotten about in 5 years because I know they're not that important. 

Whatever happens I'm going to try to enjoy life and be happy!

Thanks for reading

Charlotte

XO

My South African Experience

As some of you will know I recently spent two weeks in the beautiful country that is South Africa and it is safe to say I have fallen in love. With the country, the people, the food, the animals and the weather. Everything was amazing.

We spent the first week living in the wilderness and I was quite scared about it purely because I didn't know what to expect but it was INCREDIBLE. We saw so many animals and I learnt so much about myself, nature and what is important in life. On the animal side of things got so close to the most magnificent creatures. Within 5-10minutes of being in the wilderness we saw a breeding herd of 20-30 Elephants drinking in the river, Impala, Nyala, Black rhino and Hippo! That day we also saw buffalo, baboons and heard a lion during night watch! We then went on to see giraffe (including babies), zebra, white rhino, more elephants, many more baboon, nyala and impala, wildebeest, hyena, vultures, eagles, warthogs and crocodiles. Thankfully we didn't encounter any snakes or spiders close up which I was very grateful for! I felt so priviledged to be in such close proximity to these wild creatures. Our camps were in incredible locations and our second camp for the 2nd and 3rd nights was right next to a family of baboons whilst our final camp on the 4th night was just 10ft above the river where 3 hippos and 3 crocodiles were! It was amazing that we could get so close to them and just watch them be. (I will dedicate a whole post to my feelings from the wilderness soon!)

The beautiful sunrise over the river below camp 2

Blending in with nature in my neutral coloured clothes!
p.s. who loves my hat??

The food throughout the trip was incredible. In the wilderness we cooked altogether making dishes such as mac'n'cheese, beef stew with biltong (dried beef) and tuna pasta. Lunch was always bread or different variations of crackers with beetroot, mayo, cheese, tomato then dried fruits and sweets and breakfast was porridge or museli which was really tasty. We also had tea, english and Rooibos (redbush), I fell in love with Rooibos, coffee and hot chocolate which was greatly appreciated on nightwatch. Back in civilisation we had lots of different curries including curry bunnies which is minced beef curry with fried dough buns and you put the curry into the bun and then eat it (hence the name curry bunny). However, we also had rice with ours which led our South African counterparts to laugh at us and call it 'Funny Bunnies' because it seemed so alien to them for us to eat rice with it!  I also ate ostrich which I loved, I'd say it was a mix of duck and beef maybe, so tasty! 

South African people are possibly the kindest and most fun people I've ever met. Despite any hardships in their private life they smile and laugh like they haven't got a care in the world. They never complain about their life they just get on and deal with it, such a contrast from people in the Western world, I think we complain way too much about such unnecessary things, we could definitely learn something from the South Africans I met. To them family is so important and they all support one another which is lovely. Another thing I love about them is that they have such rhythm. One night in our second week we had a little dance party in the residence where we were staying. We did things like gangnam style and I think someone did the classic british dance moves like the sprinkler. Then some of the South African guys who were with us cracked out a few moves and it was crazy how they didn't even seem to try they just looked effortlessly cool! They even managed to make 'Happy Birthday' seem cool and almost jazzy. 

During the second week we visited some schools and different projects associated with the Wilderness Foundation and Umzi Wethu (the companies we travelled with). We helped paint the toilets in a school in Motherwell which is the second biggest township in South Africa after Soweto. The toilets make the worst public toilets in the UK almost seem like luxury. There was no toilet roll, broken taps, peeling paint and blocked toilets yet no one complained. It definitely makes me feel so guilty for not appreciating what I have. We then planted trees called 'Spekbooms' which are indigenous to SA and take up a lot of CO2. I enjoyed meeting the students who were the same age as us. They may live hundreds of miles away in such a different country but we have the same troubles like too much homework and we chill out in similar ways such as going to the cinema. I met a lovely girl called Kulula 'Coolz' who was so lovely and we'll hopefully stay in contact! Another place we visited was SAMREC (South African Marine Rehabilitation and Education Centre) where they rescue and rehabilitate penguins and a few other marine animals whilst also educating the public about the importance of looking after our marine life and some of the threats to marine life such as rubbish getting into the sea. I helped out by cleaning syringes and the kitchen of the ICU whilst some of the other hosed down the penguin enclosure. I really enjoyed that day. On another day we visited the beach in PE which was glorious, it wasn't very hot but it was so pretty. The final day saw us visit the Born Free foundation where they look after lions and leopards who can't be released due to mistreatment in their old homes such as circuses and small cages with little food. We also visited Shamwari Rehab centre where they look after animals and then try to release them. This is where Hope lives. Hope is a rhino who's horn was cut off by poachers but they cut into her face and into her nasal passage making it difficult for her to breathe. We couldn't see her because she is in such a bad way and if she survives it could take 2 years for the wound to heal. If you want to see the picture I'm sure it's on google, it is very graphic though I warn you! 

Planting my Spekboom! 

A little penguin in the ICU at SAMREC

Overall, the two weeks I spent in South Africa were incredible. I met the best people I hope I will still be friends with in 20-30 years time. I fell in love with the country and I cannot wait to visit again. And I learnt so much about life, I became stronger in myself and I feel more ready to grow up now. I still get scared but I know that a little bit of fear is good I just can't let it hold me back otherwise I will regret it. 

The beautiful Atlantic Ocean from the beach in PE

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

Charlotte

XO

Grieving

I lost my dog today. We knew he was old, he'd become half blind, a little deaf, had arthritis and he'd lost a lot of his old energy but he was still plodding along happily. But last night I came downstairs and he was just not himself. He didn't get excited when I sat down with him and he didn't even eat cheese which is so unlike him as cheese is always his favourite food! We came down the next morning (this morning) to find he'd had 2 accidents and he was lying pretty lifeless on his favourite beanbag. I tried to get him to move but he wouldn't. I then got him some water which he lapped up so quickly, he was obviously thirsty as he hadn't been able to move. I immediately knew something was wrong, my instincits were telling me so and I generally always follow my gut instinct. I rang the vet without hesitation and they had an appointment free so we took him in. I had to carry him to the car and then sit in the back with him to keep him company, I think he appreciated that. Once in the vets we were waiting about 10 minutes and then she saw him. Instantly she knew he was very sick. His gums were pale (sign of illness and poor blood circulation), he had a heart murmur and an abnormally swollen abdomen. The conclusion was that he was bleeding into his abdomen and that was causing him a lot of pain. She could have put a needle in to get some of the fluid out in order to test it to see what it was but my poor doggy was in so much pain already we decided putting him to sleep was the kindest but most heartbreaking thing. I of course broke down immediatley. I said my goodbyes to him, gave him one last hug and a kiss and left the room. I couldn't face being with him when he died even though I knew he wouldn't be in pain anymore. *break while I stop crying so I can actually see what I'm typing again*

This was the first death I've ever properly experienced in my life, that I am old enough to remember and actually acknowledge what it means. Obviously I realise it doesn't compare to the death of a loved human family member but I do know it hurts a lot. I've tried to keep myself busy all day but every now and again I stop and it comes back to me that my best friend is gone. He was always downstairs if I ever needed a hug or just someone to ramble to and now he's not there anymore and it's so sad. I don't know how to cope with grief because I've never properly experienced it before so I don't know what to do. How long is it acceptable to cry for? Is it weird that I've taken his favourite toy because it still smells like him? 

Right now I'm crying again because I'm thinking of him so maybe hte best thing is to try and not think about him but then I feel bad because I should be missing him. When he was alive (wow that is hard to write) I'd always feel bad if I didn't spend a lot of time with him in the week or I didn't take him out for a walk. I'd always make up for it by lying on the sofa with him for hours and hours just reading a book or watching a film. I hate that I'll never do that with him again and I hate how my last memory of him is him in a lot of pain. But then I have so many good memories like him running round our old garden at 100mph, chasing and barking at balls or just taking him for a walk. I hate that I ever got angry at him though, I really regret that because most of the time I'm sure he couldn't help it. So I'm sorry Fly if you can see this up in doggy heaven. 

If you have any tips on coping with pets passing away I'd be very grateful.

Thanks for reading

Charlotte

XO

My gorgeous boy <3

Hiiiiiii

I'M BAAACCKKKKK! Apologies for the extra long hiatus but after I got back from South Africa (aka best 2 weeks of my life) I needed a break from a lot of things. But I'm back for good now! 

I have a lot to write about in future blog posts, South Africa gave me so much inspiration. I think I've written down about 15 blog post titles I need to write! So this post is just to say Hi and you can expect a lot more in the next few, probably very busy weeks!

Thanks for reading!
Charlotte

XO