Trust In Change

My favourite vlogging family, The Michalaks, always start their vlogs with a quote or a little motivational phrase and this weeks was quite apt for what I wanted to blog about. 

'Trust in Change'

I used to hate change. For years I have had a set routine for every day of every week and it worked. I'd get up at the same time, go to school and training at the same time and I'd get home and sleep at the same time. My school days had an exact routine that I followed every week. To a lot of people this probably sounds so boring but I'm not saying each day was like groundhog day and I did do a lot of spontaneous things, but  security and continuity are things I definitely need in my life. 

So, when it came to moving to a completely new city, 3 hours away from my family and only knowing a few people who would soon be leaving anyway, it's safe to say I was so far out of my comfort zone. Aside from the aspect of moving to a new place, I was also starting a whole new job in the real adult world and it was a huge step up from being in my sheltered school environment and living at home where my parents did so much for me.

But I have started to settle in, and yes I do have a routine but a change has been so good for me. I already feel so much more confident, I'm learning more about myself and what I'm capable of and I feel so independent, like I can actually survive as an adult. Admittedly it is early days and I know there are a lot of mistakes to be made on the way but this change has definitely been a good thing. 

So why is change a good thing?  Well, it allows you to grow and develop as you experience new things and new people. Getting away from my old environment was one of the best decisions. I could've stayed at home and got a crappy waitress job and not met people that can actually help me with my goals and dreams like I already have here. Additionally, it helps you realise what is most important to you in life and it opens doors to new opportunities, encounters and meeting new people. I've done so much in one month and met so many new people and made new connections I just know it's going to be such a positive gap year for me and not going through clearing was the right decision! 

So welcome change, don't fear it. Allow it to happen and don't resist it. You never know, it may be the best thing that's ever happened to you! 

Thanks for reading,

Charlotte

XO

Why I Love the Wilderness

I've always loved nature and animals. As a child I spent 80-90% of my time outside, riding horses, playing in the garden or going on walks. So when I went to South Africa I LOVED being with nature

We spent a 5 days and 4 nights in the wilderness, in a nature reserve called Umfolozi which was just outside Durban. 1/3 of the reserve is closed off to the public and only a few trails are allowed in, I was lucky enough to be on one of those trails. 

We had a short drive into the reserve and we soon came to the end of the road for our transport. We had a quick lunch, arranged our bags and then we were off, waving goodbye to the other group and contact with the outside world. Within the first 10 minutes of walking we saw rhino prints, a rhino midden (Basically an area where they come back to poo!) and then a breeding herd of 20-30 elephants! On top of that we passed hippos, buffalo, impala and nyala! It was completely overwhelming and it took a while to set in that this was my home for the next few days. I was scared, oh my god I was so scared. Every potential noise made me flinch and I kept my eyes peeled for lions and rhino. But it was an exhilarating feeling. I remember first seeing the elephants and I was terrified there would charge at us but I was also mesmerised by their peacefulness and playfullness. The babies were messing about in the water and the adults were slowly moving across the river, it's a scene I'll never forget. 

Our first camp was just above the river and we could hear some animals below in the water but unfortunately couldn't see them. We made our first dinner and got to know each other more and then it was time to start night watch. It was during my first nightwatch that I first felt at peace and so unbelievably calm in such a long time. I could hear a lion roaring in the distance, some animals drinking in the river and all I could see was the moon and the stars in the ridiculously clear (and lacking any light pollution) sky. 

1st camp at sunrise and sunset

From then on we had routine jobs we'd all do but they were only little things. The rest of the time I could really immerse myself in South Africa and nature. We walked in silence so we wouldn't scare off any possible animals around us and it gave me such a good opportunity to think and not worry about anything. On the way to SA I had worried I'd get worried and have panic attacks but nothing happened at all and I felt completely the opposite. I think it was in the wilderness I began to really accept myself and feel more confident. I realise the scale of this cliche but it's true. Nature, or more specifically the South African wilderness, does something indescribable to you that just changes you. At the time I didn't really notice anything changing at all but somethings have definitely changed. 

Night watch was actually one of my favourite times. It was the only time I had any privacy and was all to myself so I did actually get really deep into thought sometimes, until I'd hear a crunching of branches and the sound of a large animal's heavy breathing! The stars were beautiful and the brightness of the moon is just indescribable!  But my all time favourite moment was seeing a male giraffe walk towards us as the sun was setting. OH MY GOD it was genuine magic. He was so graceful and majestic yet so powerful with that. Ugh I'm getting post-trail blues just thinking about it but it is one memory that will never leave me which is good because I didn't manage to get a very decent picture of him due to the fading light. 

Spot the giraffe! 

It was also so nice not to have my phone. I know people won't believe me when I say that but it was! Not knowing the time, as we had not watches or electronics was so refreshing. We simply used the position of the sun to estimate the time but didn't rush at all, we simply glided through with no real importance of time (except sunset for obvious reasons). I did miss music a little bit but I did love hearing so many birds and animals and not hearing cars!! Going back into civilisation was actually surprisingly loud and it genuinely took a while for me to adjust back into it! 

While I'm so disappointed I didn't see any lions or leopards, (even though one lion was less than 10m away from me and I couldn't quite see her!) I am so grateful to have seen all these other animals. I've always been a HUGE animal lover and actually being in the wilderness with wild animals roaming around us. It was so crazy seeing hyenas which aren't actually what I pictured previously at all, Lion King lies!!  And the eyes of the crocs in the river at night just blinking back at you is quite an experience (so was crossing in the river just 50m above them). Wow all the memories are flooding back now, I could probably talk about this for days but the only way you can truly understand what I'm saying is if you visit the place for yourself. Not on stupid tourist safaris which intrude on nature and are just there for people to make money. But go on trails with the 'leave no trace' motto and just immerse yourself in nature. 

One of the many thousands of baboons we saw

If you want to use the Wilderness Leadership School here is their link:  http://www.wildernesstrails.org.za/trails

Hope you enjoyed my little taster of the SA wilderness! 

Who wouldn't love a view like this?

Thanks for reading,

Charlotte

XO

Dealing with Defeat

Dealing with defeat is never easy and there's no one way that works for all. 

Personally I'm a crier. I let out my emotions in tears and then eventually stop crying and spend the next few days/hours thinking and contemplating. A few months ago was no different. I was racing in a junior coxed four at Women's Henley, the biggest all women's regatta in the world in one of the most beautiful settings and one of my favourite places. 

We had a time trial on Saturday morning to qualify us for the heats which we managed to do. We then proceeded to win our heat with a verdict of 'easily' and were into the quarter finals on Sunday. 

Spirits were high because we'd never got into Sunday racing before and we'd had a fairly solid row but we knew Sunday would be much tougher. We were drawn against an American crew who were quick up of the blocks so we knew our start had to be quick and snappy. On the way to race the next morning, we practiced two starts and they went well, my nerves were calmed a little. But as we lined up on the stake boats the nerves in my tummy almost made me throw up. 

All of a sudden the umpire stood up and it was 'ATTENTION......GO' and we were off. The start wasn't perfectly clean but it was quick and we were ahead which felt good. By the end of Temple Island we were ahead and that had been our main goal. We had distance from them but it wasn't enough. We needed more but we didn't have a working cox box so the calls fell to us, the rowers. 

We needed to push off them but we weren't going together which meant nothing was happening and soon the Americans had caught us, then we were level and then they pushed ahead as we got to the finish. It was the most disappointing feeling in the world. 

We got off the water so disheartened and disappointed that we hadn't won and that the race had been messy. We had a debrief with the coaches who told us exactly what I already knew and then we de-rigged the boat, packed up the trailer and went home. 

Up until then I hadn't cried, I was gutted, absolutely distraught but the tears hadn't come yet. But as soon as I plugged my headphones in I sobbed. I was so upset that that was my last ever race for my school and it hadn't gone to plan. We could've beaten them. We should've beaten them. 

I cried on the bus. I cried driving home (not recommended) and I cried in bed when I got home. But eventually the tears ceased and all I was left with were thoughts. Now in the wrong hands (or mind) thoughts can be dangerous but I try to think of the positives. In every race I do I learn  something new. Something about how to race well. Something about myself. 

I still haven't quite distinguished what I learnt from this race. I think I need to push myself even more than I have ever before, obviously I pushed hard because I have such a strong desire to win but clearly it wasn't good enough. I do know I need to be physically stronger. But I've gained valuable racing experience from it and with any luck the next race I race will be different and we'll get ahead and push off and off until that crew are rowing in our dirty water. 

There is probably more I've learnt but I'm yet to discover it yet. What I do know is that crying is okay, feeling sad is okay but what is most important is that you get back up, dust yourself off and try your hardest to not let it happen again. 

Thanks for reading!

Charlotte

XO